The Past Tense Of Youth: Between Worlds

On October 1, 2014February 20, 2015 By Renee Lou Dallow ( Bourgeoise Bloomers )In Changing the world, stories of mystery and romance

A golden sunset enveloped the gently undulating sea of Marmara as I stood at the top of the staircase staring down into the courtyard. The tour was now coming to a close and I could hear the guide leading the tourists toward the main gate. I could not bring myself to go down the stairs and join them. I looked back along the corridor and saw that the door was still open. I longed to go back but could not do that either. I was caught between the two worlds and I had to choose. I heard Gerald’s voice as he spoke to the guide demanding to know what had happened to me. The guide came through the archway with Gerald following close behind.” Where is she I have been searching every room and haven’t been able to find my Emma. We can’t leave her here. Well why won’t you do something”? The guide looked him up and down with a knowing smile. ” Museums are strange places are they not? You tourists who come here with your state of the art cameras always ready to steal what is in the past think that you own the world. Well let me tell you there are some things best left alone.”

Gerald grabbed him by the arm and shook him. ” I haven’t a clue what your gabbling about. Where is my wife?” The tour guide looked up to the top of the staircase and stared right at me. ” Tsk.” He shrugged and continued toward the gate with the others not far behind. As Gerald made his way to the staircase where I still stood with a questioning look on his face Rana appeared behind him. She began to sing that same song which had mesmerised me and which was now having the same effect on my husband. He turned his face away from me and moved toward her. She took his hand and led him toward the gate. Still I could not move. It was then that I remembered the painting.

I ran back to the room and ripped the painting from the wall. I wanted my own world, my own time, my own life. For the first time ever I realised that my world …. the world of Emma from Cumberland, was every bit as incredible as the world inhabited by Rana. She had taught me that everything in life can be bought and sold except for one thing. The human spirit. It was this that no painting could ever restore or reproduce. By entering that room I had freed her from ever being sold again and that is why she was able to leave the painting. I was to be the substitute. Gerald’s love had been too strong, however, and had drawn me back to my own time. Because my mind had kept pace with both worlds during my sojourn back into the harem my spirit could not be broken and no painting could steal my breath of life. As I began to claw at the painting it began to erode in my hands leaving me free of her world. The problem was that she was now in mine and I knew that I must act quickly .

As I moved to leave the room once more I found my feet were tangled in something. I looked down and there was the veil wrapped around my ankles. I stooped to pick it up. The veil was the bridge between our two worlds. It was something we had shared Rana and myself. This was the veil that had covered her face from men and this was the veil that had transported me back. As I looked at the veil it occurred to me that maybe we were not so different after all. Had I not worn a veil similar in length and texture to it on my wedding day? Indeed had there been no wedding there would have been no honeymoon in Turkey and I my knowledge of the strange eastern Paradise ,which is itself between two worlds ,would have remained just words on the pages of books devoured while waiting for the next big adventure.

I took the veil in my hands and left the room. I hoped that they had not yet reached the cliff top above the sea. I ran as if i had fire beneath the souls of my feet. Surely she would not try to take him from me. No she would keep him for me as I had done for her. She had said that she never wanted to belong to any man again hadn’t she? Maybe her only aim was to take him back for all eternity back to the world I had just left. It was this thought that spurred me on. I knew I must coax her back with the very veil that I now so tightly clasped wringing it back and forward through my hands.

Down the stairs, through the courtyard , past the princes kiosks where I had witnessed tearful reunions between mothers and sons, past the sultans kiosk, the schoolrooms,the armoury, the bakeries, the long hall where the fountains now were dry and on through the the gates. There were no guards lying in wait for me, no valide sultan monitoring my every move and no carriages bearing female cargo to the sultan . I was home free but all fell strangely silent in the receeding embers the fading sun. When I reached the gates which were thankfully still open my parents were waiting. I passed them and ran toward the cliff ledge. I looked down and there they were hand in hand wondering along the shore oblivious to anyone other than themselves. ‘ Would she again run into the sea? Would she try to take him with her this time?

“There you are my dear. Feeling better?” My father asked. ” Gerald has been so worried”

” He’s wondering aimlessly down there. Why don’t you join him?”

It was obvious they could not see Rana. Just as I was about to move toward the stairs leading down to the shoreline the tour guide returned. He walked straight passed us through the gates and waited just beyond as though he was expecting someone to join him. Suddenly I felt a breeze as Rana brushed passed me. The tour guide came to meet her and as she joined him inside the gates were closed to us. Gerald was be now climbing the stairs built into the cliff face and was fast approaching us. For him it was as if nothing had happened at all.

” There you are. I’ve been searching for you all over.”

I did not have the heart to tell him where I had been or of what had happened . Only time would tell whether or not he had been as aware of this open portal into a time past as I had been. I hoped that this would be the end of it and we would be free to love only each other but somehow I knew that Rana would return.

Meanwhile my parents were still waiting patiently and it was time to return home to the little apartment in Gostepe on the Asian side. I was now as excited about leaving Topkapi as I had been when I first glimpsed the palace.

© Renee Dallow ( Hybiscus Bloom ) 1/10/2014

The Past Tense Of Youth: Sojourn to Yildiz

On April 12, 2014February 10, 2016 By Renee Lou Dallow ( Bourgeoise Bloomers )In Now and then, stories of mystery and romance

My foray into the courtyard of the favourites and introduction to my new chamber opposite Rana’s was all very well planned. I had been briefed by the valide sultan on the pending journey to Yildiz Palace the following evening. The next day we would be in preparation for the dance and Sultan Hamid wanted me to be in attendance. I knew that Gurel was out there somewhere in the first court waiting for a chance to gain entry through the main gate . The apartments in which the favourites resided were a world away from the first court and I wondered how he would ever find his way past the gate of the white eunuchs ( those who took care of the sultans private office ) and into the sultans private domain. He had not recognised me when I had peered out at him through the window of my carriage but had certainly recognised Rana. So I was to play the third wheel in this game. I remember feeling confused but remarkably calm when the truth of it had demanded my comprehension.

When Rana and I had finally come face to face it had all become so clear. Her beauty, her fire and her seductive vitality were all there on display in her eyes. On entering her room, which was much larger than my own and even had it’s own bathroom as well as a spare room for a servant girl. I was immediately struck by the grandeur of her furnishings. A canopied bed at the centre of the far wall with heavy red and gold curtains complimented by matching bed covers all in the style of the French court. Small wooden bedside tables resembling ornately carved stools inlaid with mother of pearl stood on each side. On one of these tables was a bowl of fruit and a pitcher of water. On the other, amongst some of her personal effects, was a small book with velvet cover which looked as if it might be a diary.

At the end of the bed was a sofa with a round coffee table in front of it. Against the wall opposite was a dresser with mirror above which was a large empty golden frame. I wondered why it was empty. Maybe the previous favourite had taken the painting that resided within the frame with her. The servants room was to the right and the small bathroom to the left of the far wall. An elaborate laquered screen covered in mosaics was placed to the side of the entrance to the bathroom behind which Rana could change her attire . It was a beautiful room and I felt honoured to be there.

This would be Rana’s first presentation to the sultan and she seemed at ease with the prospect as if she knew she could control the situation. I had accompanied her downstairs to the Imperial hall and after dining in a kiosk near by had returned to the rooms with the others ,for this was my duty as consort . On her return I was in the process of preparing for bed. It had taken at least three hours and Rana appeared quite subdued. Announcing that she was now an odalisque she simply turned on her heel and went to her room closing the door behind her. It was not a happy announcement but I did detect a power behind her voice. Maybe this would be her way of coping until Gurel came for her. I sat on my bed ,surrounding myself with cushions and pondered the events of the day.

Tomorrow would be a sojourn to a new palace and a visiting opera company no less. Perhaps Rana and I could convince members of the company to help us with an escape plan. All sorts of wild ideas were running through my mind. Where was Gurel? Would he find us? I tried to sleep but could not and knocked fertively on Rana’s door. She came to the door and spoke to me in a whisper as she rubbed her eyes. She had been crying and I have to say the tears in her eyes made her even more beautiful. “Come” she said ” I need someone to confide in this night”. The young servant girl assigned to her entered from the adjoining room. The girl carried a golden tea pot on a tray with two glass tea cups which she set down on the guilded coffee table in front of the sofa. Rana bade me be seated next to her and poured for the both of us. ” Here’s to my victory” she smiled in a tone of cynical charm. We sat for many hours into the night as I listened with intent fascination to the story of her life thus far. I told her all I could of Emine’s life from the fragmented pieces I had obtained from others in the harem. How would she have taken it if I had told her that I was not of her time ? She told me of her love for Gurel and of their troth to be together for all eternity. She showed me note he had given her just before her carriage had entered the gate.

The note had been delivered by pidgeon and dropped at her feet as she alighted. In the note was a detailed plan of how he planned to find her inside Yildiz palace. It was strange indeed to be reading this love note . Even stranger because the content was written in a language completely unfamiliar to me. The fact that I was also speaking another language had not fully dawned on me until that very moment and with that realisation came the acknowledgement of my jealousy. Why then did I not want to tell her the truth? Make her suffer even further? Could it have been because my love for him transcended everything and time was no obstacle? Could it have been the overwhelming admiration I had for Rana and her determination to live a life so unrestrained? Was it due to my need to be a part of something so much grander than myself and the life I had lived or was it the need to prove myself necessary in the portals of history? I surmise it was all of the above.

© Renee Dallow ( Hybiscus Bloom ) 12/4/2014

The Past Tense Of Youth: The New favourite

On February 9, 2014October 9, 2014 By Renee Lou Dallow ( Bourgeoise Bloomers )In Changing the world, Now and then, stories of mystery and romance

It was late afternoon and our precession had moved through the entrance gate and on past the imperial council chambers where various statesmen awaited an audience with the sultan. Behind the council chambers was the tower of justice and the armoury heavily patrolled by armed guards no doubt anticipating a break from their duties so that they could raid the nearby bakeries for fresh loaves and simit rings. We would continue on through the main gate to the courtyard of the concubines which is where I would alight the carriage along with my consorts and assigned guards and eunuch. Behind us came the servants carrying trunks loaded with the fabrics and other trinkets purchased from the markets. As we moved toward the pavilion we were greeted by pigeons playing some sort of game.

They would fly toward us and as soon as we put out our hands to provide a safe perch they would fly off . Were they carrying messages? Maybe there was a way afterall to contact the world outside. All the while I watched as Rana’s carriage continued on to the other end of the palace grounds. The courtyards and apartments of the favourites. I wondered how long it would be before we saw each other again. Not long I surmised as I too would be moving into their quarters though I doubted the sultan would have eyes for any woman other than Rana once he had summoned her. The three who had shared Rana’s carriage were now being led through the corridor to the bath house. I would be joining them after a meeting with the valide sultan. The others were now openly hostile toward me. ” You with your yellow hair pale as the moon ….. what makes you so special? Little comedienne with your tricks and your hidden curves …. why not fly away with your pigeons? ….. oh maybe you can’t fly at all …. maybe you are not so clever as you thought …. You may be favourite now but it won’t last Emine” I made my way to the imperial hall for my meeting with the valide sultan under guard of course.

My eunuch ,whose name was Jamahl , carried the chosen fabrics for her perousal. ” You have done well my dear” , she purred as as she traced her elegant but wrinkled little hand decked in golden rings, across the silk brocade. She smiled her cheshire smile and waved me out of her presense. Just as I reached the door she spoke again. ” You have been assigned to the new girl … Rana …. is it? ” I turned and smiled. I could not believe my luck. ” Yes I believe that is her name your excellency” . She turned away from me then toward the window from which she could see the Imperial hall. ” I believe she is just now being presented. ” I moved toward the valid sultan hoping for a glimpse. She did not turn again but in a very firm voice bade me leave immediately. I met with Jemahl who waited outside in the courtyard and was escorted to the bath house where I would be bathed, perfumed and robed before being moved to the court of the favourites.

The Past Tense Of Youth: Preparing the favourite

On January 16, 2014October 9, 2014 By Renee Lou Dallow ( Bourgeoise Bloomers )In Changing the world, Now and then, stories of mystery and romance

Arriving at the palace that day in two carriages was nothing short of spectacular. The guards, Eunuchs and janissaries flanking us front,back and alongside created the image of grandeur generally reserved only for the valide sultan. Way at the back behind Rana’s carriage,I could have sworn I caught a glimpse of Gurel riding his white horse, moving ever closer to the window, trying to gain her attention. This procession was all for Rana the new favourite of favourites. There would be no escape now. She had been bought on the sultan’s command and would be taken straight to the apartment of the valide sultan to be prepared for presentation. I had found myself in the same predicament only days before. I had been escorted to the concubines quarters on leaving the room in which I had awoken by a black eunuch and had quickly been surrounded by other young women in various states of undress. “Emine” ,one of them had called me , “You must prepare quickly …. the sultan has called for you” . They descended the staircase on mass and were heading straight toward me. The eunuch seemed to have disappeared into thin air. “Emine what are you doing down here? Oh well no time now … he’ll be here any moment”

There was such excitement in their voices. For someone to be promoted from concubine to favourite appeared to be quite an honour in their eyes. “What do you wear today Emine”?… a young girl leaning over the bannister of the staircase had asked me in a sweet sing song voice. “Suddenly you have removed the tapers and revealed your shape” The women began to form a circle and drew me into it. A man entered through a side entrance and although I was bade to keep my eyes closed I could not help peeking which was not easy as we all had our backs to him. He was medium in stature with long black hair and a beard. He wore long red robes lined with fur and silk brocade over a golden kaftan with a jewelled collar. His turban bore a a gold aigrette ornamented with a ruby in a cluster of diamonds. I gathered this must be he. The great one who would soon welcolme me as favourite. I felt the touch of his hand on my face and then heard the footsteps fade. We had all opened our eyes at the moment we heard the door shut and the others began to congratulate me. I was then led through an arched doorway to an elaborately tiled bath house where the women bathed with me and then annointed my naked body in scents and perfumes before draping me in a long colourful bathrobe. The eunuch returned for me and led me down a long corridor and through a courtyard to a small room on the other side. I gathered this was a dressing room as it was furnished only with a small sofa covered in satin cushions for comfortable viewing and a few screens for quick changes.

He opened a chest full of clothes in front of one of the screens and chose three robes for me to try. Once I had done this and made my choice another trunk full of costume jewellery, bustiers, and long pieces of fabric was presented with the idea being that I should drape myself in whatever I wanted. He motioned for me to choose a long piece of white silk chiffon and wear it as one would a wedding veil covering my face in the process. When all this was done and I was duly tranformed I was taken to the salon of the valide sultan. The Mother of the sultan remained seated in front of a very large window draped with heavy gold brocade curtains.

The door to the salon was opened by a girl younger than I dressed in similar attire probably from the same trunk. The eunuch ushered me into the room and followed close behind. I was, of course terrified, having been thrown into this strange world of the harem which had been dissolved before I was even born. When she spoke it was with an air of superiority in a low sugar coated tone with a smile meant to simultaneously charm and disarm her audient. She rose from her sofa and walked toward me in her rustling taffeta gown adorned with mother of pearl and took my hand in hers. After she had surveyed me from top to bottom she addressed me thus … ” Emine I do believe you are almost ready. You will remain in your quarters and continue as a servant for two days more after which you will be sent for and then my dear your training shall commence. It has been a long time coming. Go now” … I turned and went back through the courtyard where the eunuch waited for me. How would I survive this?

Would I ever be able to return to my world? I knew that I would have to play my part and try to belong to this place and somehow, some way I would find my way back . In the meantime I would follow the signs that I knew would lead to my destiny.

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